You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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