my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
