I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
honey bunches of taint.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
