He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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