We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
