she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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