my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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