i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
