I think im going to throw up on grandma
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
