I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
