cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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