Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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