I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
