I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
