Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
