he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
