I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
