we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
