i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
