i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
