Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
