Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My cat gives me a boner
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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