Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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