Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
