the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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