he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
