I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you never un-have a 4some
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
