what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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