thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
