Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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