Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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