Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
