i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
