I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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