THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
