btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
