I want to have your abortion
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
