I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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