Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
