I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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