And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
