my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
