Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
