3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
