We named our party play list daddy issues
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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