Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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