just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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