Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
