I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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