i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
