Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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