Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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