and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
