Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
