I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
