Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
