Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
