i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
