ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
