I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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