I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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