Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
