I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
