I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He? As in you personified your dick?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
