I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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