So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
