I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
