Nicole vs. Life
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
