there was a trapeze. enough said
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my being single is dangerous.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
