Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
