if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
