he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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