Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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