You really coming over, don't trick.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
