No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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